I just feel like typing into this random hell of a white space. Yeah, I know its sad. Nate, an EMP to knock out every electric circuit in the world would make my day. Then we would all run around holding candles and the whaling business would skyrocket. Oh yeah, Leona gave me some ideas to blog about; they included, roadkill, the declining mien population and some other randomness. But I wanna talk about something else, but don't know what yet. Maybe through the course of my pointless typing something of comprehendible value will emerge. Ok fine, lets stop analyzing life, but it could quite possibly be the most underanalyzed topic ever. People analyze the specifics of life itself but forget to look at the big picture. If the purpose of life is to retire or reproduce, I'm going to jump outa my fricken window right now and pray that my head hits the pavement first. No, I don't want to believe it. If you think you are right, then you probably are right, to your own mind. There's always the portion of life that explores the human interest in humilty and selflessness. However, if the purpose of life was to give to others, then the existance of everyone would cancel out. There is a saying that tells us that the spoons in heaven and hell are super long, but the difference is that in heaven, the people feed each other. Wether or not that may be applied to life, is a very subjective topic. I think of it this way, theres a bullet comming at me from some far off point in space. I can't dodge it and it will not miss. Now force me back into reality and tell me to live before that bullet opens all the closed doors in my head. What to do. What to do. If there was anything to live for, it be for drinking next to a fire at the beach. But right now, who would I drink with? Things don't click like they used to, but thats where that bullet comes in. It forces me to make it click again. But my mortality gets tired and sometimes I wonder why not just let it come and end, such an ending it would be. The world, the people, all gone, with a snap of a finger. Its quite overwhelmingly sad to think about, and yet it bring about a calmness that perhaps is the essence of those times in life when time isn't a factor. You know, when you close your eyes and you stop feeling your blood rush, when you stop hearing that grey background noise and you stop seeing the red of the sun through your eyelids. Those times when you stand upon a plane of nothing and the world rushes by around. I wish you would understand this. But you can try all your life, and unless you personally realize what it is i'm talking about, centuries of imagining will not bring it to you. I know some of you understand, I really do. You are the ones that remember the warmth of yesterday not by the serenity of the image, but by the tranquilty of the emotions emptied. The bullet edges nearer, and not until a long time am I ready to let open those unhinging doors.
Ok honestly, next time before I write another post that no one will understand, I better just post on a private blog.
