Monday, April 05, 2004
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Yellowcard needs to win something for their brilliance.

Spring Break is comming. Hmm. Santa Cruz, San Francisco, parties, drinking, fighting, pool, movies, food, spending, living. Sounds good. I wonder how much longer things like that will sustain my insatiable thirst to fill some unexplainable feeling of emptiness. The cold city air seems to render it just a little better, just a little. But it's still there, knawing at me, continuing to urge me to find and hold on to what I can. Finding the difference between what you should hold onto and what you should let go is one of the hardest lines to spot. Sometimes it clouded behind your own inherent urge to never let go. Honestly, I don't know where to go from here. Am I supposed to keep up with it all or just let it pass? Some people tell me I'm lucky to be able to run away to SF, away from all the troubles of the world and drown them away on a rooftop at midnight. I tell those people they should be glad that they do not have to do such things. That they can feel content where they are in life, cause that's all that really matters. We're all just trying to find our niche, to find where we fit and dream that dream like it would never dwindle away. Sometimes you find yourself in the reality of the dream and the dwindles, like all realities eventually do. So I guess we just keep dreaming, until we find one that we can sustain even when it is tangible. Lucky are the ones who do. The trips to SF are just a reminescence of a past that I held on to too dearly. A time when I invested too much into the people around me and forgot how life wavers. Its a sancutary that is steadily degrading and soon it won't be there to support my broken self. Then, I don't know what I'll do. But it's ok. I'm going to stop trying to act like I care about the things that I really don't. I really should, or else I'll get too disgusted with myself, I really will.

Me out.
Stephen at 10:38 PM