Wednesday, August 04, 2004
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This blog sure is dying. Awww, man and I was sitting here thinking it would be a sort of creative medium upon which we could express ourselves to each other and perhaps even to the rest of the world. I guess I thought wrong. The blog has instead just turned into another source of daily ramblings and stupid occurences. Don't get me wrong, these ramblings can be tolerated to a certain degree because life is filled which such events. If you see a flying pumpkin, please feel free to post about it along with the video. However, random crap which doesn't apply to anythign has just been popping up and defiled the whole purpose of the blog. Expectations. Funny word, many syllables. Incredibly hard to satisfy, those darn'd "expectations." In honor of the slow withering death of sleepyones, I think I'll write one last reflection on life that will hold the interest of you, dear reader, for atleast 5 minutes, if not more.

Now, the time is 2:50am and my Dad just came in and yelled his asian lungs out at me to goto sleep and stop being online during the wee hours of the morn'. But ya know, when you gotta post, you just gotta do it. So here, this is what I want to post about --

The One Thing I Want To See Before My Probable Premature Death

A request to those that control my life, by Stephen Deng.

There are many things that I could wish to see before I die of some rare cancer or a perfectly located laceration. But there's really only one that I want to see before I can just rest in peace, to know that the world is doing well and that the theories of John Locke were not completely absurd. Yes my dear friends, I've actually thought about this. It was brought up a few times in my life and I've realized I've been amazed by it both times. I've been forced to think about my priorities with the life I know right here and now going to hell. Oh, yes the Joy! The thing I want to see before my probable premature death would be:


Now, some of you may consider this to be a topic related to true love and all that shiznat. Perhaps, but extremely unlikely because no Love is that pure. Some of you may relate it to religion, but you must consider that a mortal would not know the consequence of their sacrifices, which brings such a larger burden upon them. The closest thing I can relate it to would be Parents, but they commit sacrifices only for their own blood and flesh. No, I can see it being possible. Not complete neglect of one's self, but an uncanny respect and humilty toward others. Yes, capitalism would die under such morals.
Yes, I've heard a few people talk about something close to it. Tremendous respect I have given to those people who have tried. Such a feat isn't simple. It is not just determination or ethics. It takes great will power and a willingness to trust that one can make a difference. It sickens me that this theory has evolved into a "help others to get a feeling of satisfaction" kind of idea. Key, Interact, Leo, name the club and the whole idea still revolves around that feeling. You can tell from the strict hours and timetables kept of service, as if minutes and numbers could express what it means to actually help another human being. No, no, I'm talking about a person who would do this not for hours, or for the feeling that they are a better person for helping others. That very feeling is attributed to the natural tendencies for people to want to feel superior to others, atleast that's what I believe. To be able to help the world knowing no benefits will be rewarded and negative consequences possible, is what I'm talking about.
I'm beginning to see that is it nearly impossible. However, its that elusiveness of that quality that attracts me to it. I notice humilty and sacrifice as key traits to people I talk often to and get close to. Its realizing that my parents are sacrificing without gain for me that drives me foward when times get real tough. The fact that Wei Cheng will never ask for anything in return for his kindness that would drive me to make sure he can get out of the situations he gets in. I've realized it is such a core feature of what it is to care.
It starts with the belief that with every new person you meet is an opportunity to enhance their lives. Then it continues as you understand with every person you meet you must give up something of yourself. Finally, when that feeling of pride and pain of sacrifice leaves you, then you will have achieved what the world needs the most, pure kindness. Corny Eh? Check it.
2 Strangers stranded on an island. One man, Bob meets Al, the second man. Both have a stored amount of water. One day Bob catches Al hunting and they sit down to rest. Bob is drinking water and sees that Al has begun to drink out of Bob's own water source. He would take a drink and smile as Bob drank. Bob is pissed off and frantically drinks more of his own water but Al takes a sip every once in a while and smiles. Finally, the water is nearly gone, and Al leans over and graciously offers the last drop water to Bob. Bob infuriated that Al has drank all his water runs off. Two days later, Al dies from vampiric flying pumpkins, a cruel and painful death. Bob runs back and looks for Al's water source to salvage it. However, Bob noticed something and began to cry in shame. The name on the water source was Bob. (Story-modified as told at the NSL Conference)
Yeah, its kinda like that minus the flying vampiric pumpkins. Get it? Good. No? Thats a shame, it really is.
Honestly, if you wanna be truely happy in a relationship, thats the rule to swear by. Self-sacrifice for your loved one. It'll seem easy when that beautiful girl catches your eye for the first time, but once the sacrificing begins, life tends to slow down and get tougher. Pull through with that idea as a mutual agreement and life is flourish. Pull out with out person and that person will be taken advantage of. Come out with neither and the relationship might as well never started. So kids, as yourself before you begin to obssess over that next girl, what the hell you can offer her, what you could honestly give up and vice versa.
I think thats about it folks. Hope to see some good comments on this.

Stephen at 2:47 AM